OK, so maybe 4:00 in the a. of m. isn't the time for the clearest thoughts. Any ideas travelling through my head at that time must negotiate a myriad of cobwebs and (probably) icky things. Even I don't completely know where my mind has been but a thought did get trapped in there so this is my attempt to free it. It's probably really scared right now so I'm thinking of puppies and clouds to add a small degree of comfort as it struggles to find its way out. I usually try to come off as really eloquent and well spoken in these things but I'm abandoning that ship until such time as the thought is out of my head-dungeon and with its own kind.
{sigh}...where to start?
Lack of focus is my...umm....focus......here. By that I mean..... well, I'm not sure I can tell you what I mean, exactly, so let me try to illustrate.
By college-aged standards I'm 'around' middle-aged. By High School standards I'm old. By Jr. High standards I'm ancient, and by anything younger they wonder how I still manage to get vertical from time to time. I won't go into great detail here but in any case I should be at a different stop on the train tracks of life. I blame focus...or lack thereof. OK, so I control my own focus so I'm pointing at myself here but the thought in my head is getting braver and if I don't get it out soon it may decide it's not so bad in there. That's a hard pill to swallow because I need the space for other things like Star Wars trivia.
Lack of focus is a common problem - especially with many of today's youth. I know there are exceptions to this generalization but I thought it best to cast a wide net and paint with a broad brush in case this thought gets trapped in your head next. I'm also not talking about the usual suspects like ADHD and the mantra of 'just being a kid'. I'm talking about me - or at least those of you who can relate.
Did I mention I'm old? If not here then I'm sure another post has that detail embedded in it somewhere. A person of my ....umm..... maturity isn't typically associated with dressing up in spaceman stuff but at least I can say it's for the benefit of others. Many people I have a loose association with (and in some cases, I used to hang with on a semi-regular basis) are heading out to ComiCON's (and other conventions) of various cities (San Diego, Phoenix, Denver - and coming soon to Salt Lake), making movies, and probably well on their way to becoming famous, or at least decently well-known.
Here's where the problem comes in - did I mention I'm relatively 'life-experienced'? I find myself wanting to be at these places and events with the aforementioned acquaintances. Do I find anything wrong with that? Not on the surface but no matter how you slice it I'd still end up in the role of 'creepy older guy'. I don't like that role but it's a type-casting I can't biologically escape. A wife and children who love me hopefully make the story seem like I'm less creep-tacular but in either scenario I'm still the (beginning to go) gray-haired guy trying to fit in with the generation one-rung down on the life-ladder and it's just making me a little sad.
So while I'd still like to be able to play with the younger kids my solution is to just be happy for them. I still get to play from time to time, I just won't be going CON-hopping (honestly, I don't know how they pay for multiple extended trips like that) or taking long road-trips to remote locations to be credited as 'background street crosser' in a film that's likely to get great exposure and bring even more credibility to the people that deserve it (I don't think myself particular talented in that arena) and I've made my peace with it. I'm happy for them and I have now turned my focus towards things that should (and do) matter a little more to me. I think I turned a corner when I took my son to a RSL soccer game (a post on that to come). ;)
Ahhh - I love the feeling of a thought being free from the confines of my dusty head-innards. Fly my pretty! Fly!
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