Anxiety and "the machine"

You’ve just sewn a new skirt.
You learned how to make Baked Alaska.
Your car just got a tune up.

What do you do next?

The response for these situations will likely be the same as if you have a smart phone and a bathroom mirror – you’re going to photograph and document it on social media.  Why?  Because you can, and even though you're not likely a seamstress, a chef, or a mechanic (respectively) someone, somewhere is going to ‘like’ your photo and/or new status and that feels good because then you'll feel validated.

While this scenario is fiction there are enough contemporary accounts of similar happenings all over the U.S. that aren't.  All of this created a phenomenon that nobody could foresee, and therefore, prepare for.  It wasn't long before what followed the explosion in social media output was a a direct correlation in the number of cases of anxiety and stress.  I see the irony in posting this on a social media site but my hope (whether anyone ‘likes’ it or not) is that it may shed some light on our behaviors and the connection it has to why so many more people report having anxiety than ever before.

I realize that this may come across as a gross overgeneralization to some but there is enough truth to it that the exceptions to it will be few, and the facts presented here came from a professional in the mental health field.  I wish I had recorded the presentation but I think it’s fair to say that for most cases, the information fits.  Also remember that much of this is from memory, educated guesses from the stuff I can’t remember, and the pictures I took from the Powerpoint presentation.  After attending it I made a silent promise to myself that I would reduce my social online presence (not eliminate – but reduce).

The pitfalls of electronic social networking include:

Overdependence on a peer group:
These don’t even have to be friends we know face-to-face.  Our facebook peer group likely consists of friends of friends, and possibly groups we belong to.  We begin taking advice from people we don’t even know.  This has a tendency to lead to…

A lack of independent decision making:
Rather than do our own research, we ask these same people what decisions we should make.  The majority usually wins.

A decline in written language skills:
I know I’ve mentioned this before somewhere, but with the rise of texting and social media, articulate and correctly spelled sentences are becoming an endangered species.

Declining social skills:
If all the above are happening, it means face-to-face interaction has become secondary to electronic ones and our skills and abilities to navigate being social with one another without involving a screen have taken a nosedive.  The only thing left is...

Social Isolation:
‘Likes’ carry weight with our psyche, and they tend to be more immediate than when you are with friends and loved ones.  They are tangible, right there, and you know whose reaction they are.  Face to face doesn’t always offer that.  We don’t typically say, “I like that thing you said” so our dopamine release is now triggered from a source that didn’t exist before February 2004.  Since that time our social interactions in the flesh have only decreased.  I’m not saying this is the cause but it is definitely a factor.

Now couple that with the cultural factors:

Electronic / Virtual socialization:
We kinda just covered this.

Shifting from intrinsic to extrinsic goals:
Our self worth comes from outside sources so we tailor our goals to match.

Paradox of choice:
Some may remember when televisions only had three or four channels and we had to get up to change it.  Now there are a couple hundred channels or more depending on your cable / dish package.  Clothes, phones, homes, cars - There are so many choices that we’ve become paralyzed with an overabundance of them and we rely on those on the other side of the screen to help us.

Lack of cardiovascular / Exercise / fitness activities:
Duh

Bad nutrition
Duh pt. II

Alcohol and drug abuse:
This is not necessarily cause and effect but if we’re talking about anxiety and / or depression, drugs and alcohol ore often in the mix.

Change in family and social dynamics:
The more time we spend away from actual people, the more our circle of people that we actually interact with will shrink.

I tend to wonder if, upon gaining a new patient with anxiety, one of the first questions asked is, “How much time do you spend on social media”?  How many prescriptions include going out and being social with actual people?  How many would prescribe taking a course in grammar or creative writing?

I stole this from a friend's wall because I think it bears repeating (there is a grammar issue early on which is a bit confusing but you'll get the idea).

"Our young ladies and gentlemen are growing up in a society where it seems the expectation is to disparage yourself and then get validation from the group. I see and hear my kids talk themselves down almost daily. Then the social media post comes to validate them Don't want to discourage friends bolstering each other and dispelling their friends incorrect notions of themselves. However I see a pattern where kids say they are worthless and then need the positive comments to be the source of theri worth. Today, the group is determining their value.

To me this is a means to control people and a worrisome trend. Groupthink is perilous

When you speak poorly of yourself, particularly on social media and use the group - even through positive affirmation to bolster your worth you are surrendering yourself to the group.

Advice for today - don't allow the group to be the one to determine your value. If the group determines your value they can determine you are worthless. AND YOU WILL BELIEVE IT!

Only 2 should people should matter for your self worth. God and you. Know your value, speak your worth and walk tall.

Extend this perspective to others and kindness naturally follows."

The "Ten Things I Know For Sure" Challenge

I'm old (admittedly by my own standards, but I will at least call myself not young) so I don't grasp many of the things that "young people" find pop-culturally relevant.  What I have noticed, however, is that many of the recent (within the last 5 years or so) social media "challenges" are just incredibly, sadly, and sometimes fatally stupid. 

Some of these "challenges" involve cinnamon, sprite & bananas, milk, ice & salt, tide pods, fire, duct tape, condoms, car surfing, hot pepper, ones collarbone, ones lips, ones eyeballs, ones waist, makeup, and passing out.

If you aren't scarring yourself for internet validation then what are you even doing with your life? (sarcasm)

Instead, I offer an alternative challenge.  One that will make you use thought and reason, and if done honestly, will take real time (it took me about a month).  I first came across this in June of 2019 and I've been working on it since.  I was reading Rainn Wilson's book "The Bassoon King:  My life in Art, Faith, and Idiocy" (or rather, he read it to me via an audiobook).  For those that may not know, Rainn Wilson played Dwight in "The Office" - the U.S. version)  In it, he tells the story of the late film critic Gene Siskel, asking Oprah Winfrey, "What do you know for sure"?  This question simultaneously stumped and inspired her.  For fourteen years she gave an answer every week on her website.  The result was a best-selling book and a vehicle to dispense the wisdom she'd gleaned from interviews with a large sampling of world-renowned personalities over the years.

What do you know for sure?  It's a great exercise and it's a question that reaches for the depths of a person's experience and wisdom.  I'll give it my best try at the tender age of 48.  This list will probaby look very different if I reach 98 and try to do it again.  By then it will probably involve more things like complaining about the government and keeping kids off my lawn.

In no particular order:

1.  The deepest happiness comes from service to others.

I took this one straight from Rainn Wilson's mouth verbatim.  I couldn't say it any better that he does.  He states, "There's a strange kind of paradox in happiness.  The more we seek it for ourselves, the harder it often is to find, but when we give service to others, uplift them, make them feel better, and sacrifice our own comfort to give them help and solace we often feel joy".  Any of you who have given genuine service from the heart and not from an assignment know what I'm talking about.

2.  Gratitude changes everything.

If you are feeling anything other than positive, go to gratitude.  If you make a list of ten things you are grateful for at any given moment you will find a different perspective.  This one takes a real effort because you probably don't think about making such a list when you're in the throes of anger or despair.  Mr. Wilson suggests making a list of ten things you're grateful for for a week and send that list to a good friend and see if your week doesn't experience a shift in mood and outlook, even if it's just a subtle one.  If you have a friend that's willing to let you do this, I'd say have a crack at it.

3.  There is a God.

Remember, the name of this challenge is "Ten things I know for sure".  I know there are people out there (I know a few personally) that would have the exact opposite statement on their list, but this is MY list.  My reasons are my own but I cannot deny what I've experienced, and it goes beyond what many people would write off as coincidence.  There are feelings and knowledge associated with my experiences that I've never had anywhere else in life and I wouldn't know of an alternate place to go or thing to do to re-create them.

For those who believe, no proof is necessary.
For those who don't believe, no proof is possible.

-Stuart Chase-

4.  Learning to let things go will make you happier.

I'm not suggesting becoming a doormat and letting people walk all over you but we've all been on both sides of honest mistakes.  This is a suggestion for those people who get irrationally upset over things like asking the food-service worker to hold the tomatoes and getting them anyway. Most honest mistakes are small ones and humanity would be much better off if we didn't become unhinged because they didn't hold the ****ing tomatoes!  Look at the stuff that sets you off and ask yourself if it's worth it.

5.  You will never change anyone's mind regarding politics and/or religion by posting about them on social media.

Even civil discussions don't have a high succeess rate in these hot-button topics because people are very entrenched in their beliefs and ideologies, so shouting about them (literally or figuratively) will do absolutely nothing.  If anything it will only make people take a firmer stance where they are.

6.  If it is a good idea, it will get ripped off.

This doesn't sound like much of a revelation but I now have personal experience with this so it's in my top ten, and I now know why things like copyright and registered trademark laws exist.

7.  We all suck at relationships sometimes.

This can mean ANY relationship, whether it be spouses, parents and children, siblings, friends, co-workers, etc.  My current working theory is that it happens to us more often when we're young because we're still learning how to navigate social ineraction and we sometimes mess it up - BIG!  It's no consolation to know that we keep screwing up well into our adulthood... or maybe that's just me.  We keep the long-term friends because they are the ones who survived the social ineptitude of our youth and they don't have anything to hold against us until later, by which time forgiveness comes more readily.

I've made lots of friends but I've lost  friends too.  Some very recently (no, they didn't die).  I lost them because things were said and reacted to badly.  I regret that, and I know the mature thing to do would be to reach out and attempt to mend fences but it's true what they say - the more time passes, the harder it is to do (M - if you're reading this just know I don't have the guts to face you).  I find I'm still learning too so after I screw up enough  times it may just end up being me and my wife... unless I screw that up too.

8.   Our reliance on "the machine" (mostly smartphones, but really anything with a screen and access to the internet) is making us dumber and more anxious as a nation.

This is one I've been stewing on for a while, and I recently attended a presentation about it from a mental health professional.  It's a subject that will probably get its own post but for now I'll just give a couple of quick examples for illustration.

We can't even buy a pair of pants now without broadcasting it to everyone on social media because we want validation for every choice we make.  "Likes" have become drugs and we're afraid to make a decision without the masses telling us it's a good one.  We've also spent so much time texting / messaging that we have become more incompetent about face-to-face interaction which causes more anxiety so we avoid people to avoid being judged.  I'd also be surprised if you haven't sent or received at least a few messages written in text speak (y = "why",  ur = "you're / your - or the typical mis-usage of "their", "they're", and "there").  We're becoming dumber, and have difficulty writing complete and correctly spelled sentences (forget articulate ones).

Don't get me wrong, as with any piece of tech, it can be used for very good purposes and is a useful tool, but anything that can be used sparingly and for good purposes will definitely be overused for very stupid ones.

9.  Enjoying the here and now is better than waiting for the next phase to be happy.

I've heard it said that being happy is a choice.  For most of us that's a concept that's difficult to wrap our brain around but I've learned that you can't wait to be happy.  If you think you'll only be happy once you reach High School, go to the next party, move out, go to college, get married, have children, etc. you will spend your whole life waiting for happiness that will never come because each phase of life carries with it its own set of challenges and rewards.

The character Andy Bernard on "The Office" (played by Ed Helms) had a great quote on the series finale near the very end.  He said, "I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've left them". 

10.  It is possible to...:

believe in God and science.
be pro-choice and anti-abortion.
have privilege and be discrimiated against.
be a feminist and love and respect men.
love thy neighbor and despise their actions.
be gay and Christian.
be anti-war and pro-military.
not have an education and still be brilliant.


I would love to see your version of the "Ten Things I Know For Sure" challenge, but with the caveat that it's taken seriously and some real thought goes into it.