It's all about the people.

I really have some great ideas on what to write when I'm not writing.  I suppose I just need to have something to jot down ideas with as they come to me.  I had some good stuff too so I'm kinda bummed about it.  Ah well, on we go.

This was not meant to be a 2015 in review but I suppose it was inevitable that it turn into one.  I'm of the age now where New Year's Eve means letting the kids run amok and going to bed before 11:00.

Rather than list everything that happened in the world this year I'd just suggest Googling "2015 Year in Review" or something along those lines.  Is "Googling" a word?  If so, did I spell it right?

My personal year involved a lot of non-newsworthy stuff.  I covered the death of my father previously, but since I'm always comparing his legacy to what mine may become I find myself wondering how I'll be remembered when I'm no longer here.

The four of you that read this don't have to worry that this will turn into a gloomy downer.  I'm just gonna put up some observations.

The force awakened - in a really big way.  It broke all kinds of records and is well on pace to de-throne "Avatar" as the biggest grossing movie of all time.  People enjoyed it.  I went three times myself and I suspect many of you have done that and more.    I'm not a film critic, and I don't go into movies with a critical mindset so maybe it's understandable that I don't get those that are looking for something wrong with it.  This is not just a successful film franchise, it's a cultural phenomenon.  The Star Wars universe (and expanded universe) now transcends storytelling but if you're hung up on something trivial that won't allow you to enjoy the movie then I feel sorry for you.

This year's Christmas was a little tighter financially than it has been in years past.  It wasn't a sizeable difference, just enough that I decided to go without so the kids and the Mrs. could enjoy opening something.  I didn't think much of it, but I had the chance to give some people whatever help I could.  The saying goes (or at least I heard one that goes) "Happiness is seeing a smile on someone else's face and knowing that you put it there".  It's true.  If you can think of multiple occasions during your lifetime, or even your year where that's the case, then I submit that that is the beginning of your legacy.

I didn't completely go without, because I have no idea how to play this.  Does anyone want to come over, or have me come to your place to teach me how this works?

Some of my 2015 stuff includes, but is not limited to:

- Binge watching Psych on Netflix

- Getting the family back to Seaside, Oregon for vacation

- Successfully fighting the urge to buy something stupid on multiple occasions

- The lobster didn't fall apart on me (though I suspect that's coming soon)

Some stuff for 2016:
- Get a "Kiss a wookiee" booth for fundraising

Sadly, that's all I have so far.

Life is not only about successes and failures, it is mostly about the people that shared the journey with you.  I don't really like the sound of clichés but they're mostly true.  For better or worse (I'll let you make up your own mind about me) I am the product of my associations with you:  from a flesh and blood person who I've known personally since birth or elementary school, to a facebook friend I've not yet met but would very much like to someday, and everyone in between.  Whether we get along or not, If I have had any positive impact on you at all (and vice-versa) then I am grateful and consider myself blessed. 91 of you wished me a happy birthday this year.  87 did it last year.  I've got a good crop of people around me.

The following url illustrates one corner of my life but I feel it's worth re-visiting as it has encompassed many of my waking hours.  I have learned many good lessons from these people, from how to be a better parent to standing up (respectfully) for something I believe in, whether people agree with me or not.  None of those things come across in this video but believe me, those lessons were there.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dh26TBBgC68

I tried to get the video to embed but alas, was unsuccessful.  I hope you copy the link and enjoy.  :D

-LG

Whaddaya know?  Not all red plastic!  :D

My Dad

I suspect you'll be weary of hearing about this but I can't not do this.  I hope I have an adequate handle on writing and it helps me express what I couldn't otherwise.  I've been picking at this for a while now (I actually began recording these thoughts on March 3, 2012) but I didn't know when I'd post it.  I've just added bits here and there when they slipped into my consciousness and I feel now is the time.

The problem:  How do you sum up the life of one man in a few words?  How is your point of view influenced by reading a fraction of what one person offered his small corner of the world?  How do you get the 360 degree view of a lifetime of successes and failures?

Simply put, you don't.  I am not writing this in an attempt to alter your perception of my father.  Quite honestly I am writing this because I can, and for better or worse I want whoever reads this to know that I saw him as a hero.  Sure, he was flawed, but heroes always are.  I have to have faith that the heaven I believe in gave him back his perfect health and insane intellect and charm.  Clinging to that keeps my belief in his invincibility alive.

This is my personal eulogy to my dad.  I don't want so say it's to my "father" because that's too formal.  Anybody with the right anatomy can biologically be a father but it truly takes somebody special to be remembered as a DAD.  If there were fewer "fathers" and more "dads" we'd have a lot fewer problems in the world.  This is not the be all and end all of life's woes but it would (at the very least) make a serious dent in them.

While my mom, my wife, my kids and I have been witness to the carnage that Alzheimer's has wreaked on his intelligence and personality, we are doing our best to remember him from 'before'.  Since Alzheimer's fights dirty I've put down a few thoughts to assist in this effort.

When my wife was just my girlfriend, dad would introduce her as "Adam's really good friend".  I suspect this was more to put her at ease than because he didn't know the status of our relationship.  With as bright as he was there's no way he would have missed that.  I consider myself blessed that my wife remembers him as a man of great intellect and integrity.

He helped teach my son how to count to 100 by pushing him on the swing.  Every push was counted as one and when he got to 100 he started over.  There were probably days that there were near 1,000 pushes.  I don't know that my son will remember that but we tell him about it.  He needs to know the kind of man grandpa was, not the one this vicious illness turned him into.

Latent memories come from when I was younger.  I have no idea how old I was but I was old enough to remember my dad telling me he loved me.  He did this multiple times throughout my life so I don't know why this particular instance sticks out but it is what it is.  He would go jogging early in the morning and one night he asked me to join him the next morning.  He waited until I wasn't gasping for breath before he told me that he just wanted me to know that he loved me.  Maybe it was inspiration on his part to make sure I heard him instead of my own wheezing but I remember it being dark and early in the morning.  Every child should know they are loved by their parents so I'm grateful he took the time to tell me before he didn't remember I existed.

My love for Star Wars is in no small part due to me seeing it with him.  I can't even honestly remember if any of my other family was there, but I remember being there with him.  It doesn't hurt that the film was a colossal success but my love for the franchise is unavoidably attached to the time I spent in the theater with my dad.

He had several meaningful discussions about 'stuff' with all of his children (as well as any of their friends who wanted it) and he never pretended he knew something if he didn't.  I remember one instance (again, I don't remember WHY I remember) where he said, "I don't know, let's find out together".

When it came time for one of many annual pinewood derby races, while other fathers were doing all of the work on their sons cars, my dad made sure I had as much of my own labor input as possible.  My design wouldn't win any races and he knew it, but he wanted me to get the car I had a hand in creating.  Aside from the power tools and the stuff I was too young to do without the very real possibility of injuring myself, I did it all.  You can tell by the paint job and parts of the car that inadvertently broke that I had a hand in it.  Nobody remembers who won the races but I remember the process of building the car with him, and I always will.

There is a second part of the story too.  This was the first year they stopped doing trophies.  I suspect it had to do with getting the competitive dads out of the race but for whatever reason I didn't know I wouldn't get a trophy.  I was visibly upset so dad got a trophy for me and created a stand for the car.  He was already my hero but he solidified his place as my hero then, and many times since then.

I'm not even sure how he did it but whatever method he used to teach and guide us it was never force.  He just told us why he believed and acted the way he did.  He was a staunch member of the LDS faith and tried vehemently to live the TRUE teachings, not the ones seen from sanctimonious members who warp them into puffed-up, self-righteous, pious ones that give all of us a bad name.

Never force.

He was the least judgmental person on the planet.  Whether you were gay, straight, Jewish, Atheist, Christian, Republican, Democrat, black, polka-dotted or mohawked, you would have felt comfortable in his presence.  He had a way of making people feel at ease and taught us never to judge or make assumptions.

He gave me the most wonderful childhood.  So good, in fact, that I never really completely grew up.  Ask anyone.  ;)

He was the ultimate grandpa.  He could do the most mundane things with his grandkids for hours on end.  Maybe this isn't so unusual because I'm not a grandpa yet and have no frame of reference to compare it to but I can't help deifying this man I lost - twice.  Once to the despicable disease of Alzheimer's and then to death.  I have to believe that death was a release for him and that his mind now has more prowess than it ever did.   

 Whether you believe in an afterlife or not my faith tells me I'll see him again in a perfect form.  While I grieve and mourn, I do not despair.  I am protected by the knowledge that we will embrace once again and he will tell me again that he loves me.  To believe otherwise would be too emotionally overwhelming.

In borrowing from several sources (and I don't know who to give credit to for some):

"God saw you getting tired and a cure was not to be. So He put his arms around you and He whispered, "come to me".

"Don't cry that it's over, smile that it happened."

"Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I, and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other, that we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name,
Speak to me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no difference in your tone,
wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Pray, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household name that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effort,
without the trace of a shadow in it.
Life means all that it ever meant,
it is the same as it ever was.
There is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind?  Because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you, somewhere very near,
just around the corner.

All is well
-Henry Scott Holland-

...and finally, in an homage to a vivid memory...

"One with the Force, they are, and our job it is to remember that we will, in time, also pass on. Luminous beings are we, but temporary vessels, our bodies are. And we shall all find ourselves here, in time. A moment of silence, I ask - to remember, and to move on."

-- Yoda