Be friendly to somebody you don’t particularly like.
Reach out to someone you haven’t had contact with in quite a while.
Be impeccable with your word.
Don’t make assumptions.
Always give thanks and gratitude.
Attempt to understand a different viewpoint. Those who don’t know their opponent’s point of view don’t truly understand their own.
Forgive those you feel have wronged you (this is the toughest one).
In my last post I mentioned an article on forgiveness. I felt it was a wonderful piece that everyone who comes across it should read. I am just as guilty as anybody at not being able to forgive in certain situations so this list of self-mastery exercises is just as much for me as anybody else. Much of the rest of this is either directly quoted from that article or I’ve utilized the ideas contained therein.
The dictionary defines "forgive" as "to stop feeling anger toward (someone who has done something wrong), and to "stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake." According to a 2010 survey conducted for the Fetzer Institute, 62 percent of Americans believe they need more forgiveness in their personal lives and 90 percent believe we need more forgiveness in America. First though, I'm going to define the practice as I see it.
First of all, forgiveness should not be confused with accountability. If one person forgives another, that’s not the same as telling them that what they did was OK. They’re saying, “I’ve moved on”. They’re above it. It shows a lot of thought about their willingness to leave it behind. Forgiving someone is not the same as condoning their actions, nor does it mean you no longer remember it, because you can’t un-remember it. It just means that you’re no longer willing to be poisoned by that anger.
The anger no longer serves you. It does not mean you’re okay with it. Anger may prompt someone, like an abused spouse, to take action. But holding on to that anger longer than necessary may be “toxic”. Forgiveness is like letting go of the poison. If you stay angry your whole life you’re still being victimized everyday.
Letting go of the anger, however, and forgiving someone is a process, not a single event. Each person will let go of their anger and forgive at their own rate. Your forgiveness process would look different than mine, even if the cases were identical. The difficulty increases proportionately with the degree to which the victim feels they've been wronged. Forgiving somebody for breaking your DVD is much different than forgiving a drunk driver for accidentally killing your family.
Forgiveness is not a strictly religious concept either. It has been around since the beginning of time but if I can wax religious for just a moment, the late Gordon B. Hinckley, former President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (my faith, for those of you wondering) said, “Forgiveness allows the love of God to purge your heart and mind of the poison of hate”.
Other than religious philosophies, another reason some offer forgiveness is because it can give them a sense of empowerment over their (for lack of a better word) “attacker”. Who is able to grant forgiveness to another? Not a judge or board of pardons. There’s only one person that can forgive and that’s the victim. I can see words of of forgiveness hurting a perpetrator just as much as telling them they’ll never be forgiven.
So there it is, my challenge to myself (as well as any of you who wish to attempt it). If I make it through any of the things on my list in this life I’ll consider it a marked success.
For the full article, go to:
http://www.deseretnews.com/article/705390271/Letting-go-of-poison-In-wake-of-grief-families-offer-astonishing-acts-of-forgiveness.htmlFor the full article, go to:
