Dear me,
I don’t know when (or if) you’ll actually read this but it seems prudent to write, whether as a re-attempt at a failed Junior High assignment or because I think I can actually help you (I’m not actually sure.) I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I’m hoping you’ll make better choices than I have so this letter is an attempt to help you do just that.
I realize we are the sum of all our experiences, for better or worse but the space-time continuum has only been breached on tv and in movies, and since we don’t have our jetpacks or flying cars in 2011 I’m hard-pressed to believe the media anymore. For now I’m going to risk going through the worm-hole…or transcending it…or whatever you do when you slip between alternate dimensions. I want to wake up a better person tomorrow so you need to make better choices today. I want to be able to help out lots of people so read this. I know you’re not an overly self-indulgent person but risk it for my sake….or your sake….ok, we’ll call it ‘our’ sake.
First, talk to our father more. He is an incredibly smart man up until about 2002 or 2003. Right about that time he starts forgetting things that you and the rest of the family attribute to old-age and the fact that they are normal things to forget, like what time church is at and where he put his toothbrush. In 2005 he reluctantly goes to the doctor and the official diagnosis of Alzheimer’s is rendered. I know you’ve never experienced news like this but take this as an impetus to record thoughts, feelings, discussions, et.al that you have with dad before the opportunity is gone. He was there for serious life discussions for a few of your friends and like an idiot you didn’t record those experiences. I wish you had so I could read them now.
Here in 2011 he’s gotten lost enough times that if that same police officer brings him home again they may bring up the subject of a “home”. The handle on the front door comes off and it’s really hard to open without it. I just found this little trick about a month or so ago so look for it and you might be able to save yourself some headache.
I’m sure mom cries a lot but she’s pretty good about hiding it. When we find dad urinating in the laundry room drain or wearing multiple pairs of underwear or letting his toenails and fingernails grow to ungodly lengths she puts on a brave smile and even laughs a bit but you can see the hurt behind it. When you move in to their basement the original plan will be to live there temporarily while you look for a new place. She will ask you to stick around once the diagnosis knocks the wind out of everyone. You’d oblige anyway but I thought it wouldn’t hurt to prepare you for it, not that preparing you for news like that actually works but…
Try to get along better with your sister. I know you haven’t gotten along very well at all since birth but still try. If you make the effort maybe it won’t be so difficult for me now. She tormented us mercilessly as a child and it has affected you ever since so I understand your frustration. She has her faults but so do we all. She’s made some decisions we don’t agree with but you don’t really have the right to give her advice since my life hasn’t exactly gone the way you imagined it. She won’t listen to you anyway, she’s headstrong that way.
Develop better study habits. Right now you’re all about the fun and because of that I’m in serious danger of passing that habit onto our son (wow that sounds weird.) It’s hard for me to preach vigilance when you’ve already given me poor self-discipline due to your lack of it. Because we now have a family it’s a different dynamic. I can’t just go into the ‘office’ or ‘study’. Since I’m currently living in mom’s basement and there is a wife and two children involved, locking the door doesn’t seem like very good parenting / husbandry. Tammy (you’ll meet her in June of 1998 on a blind date) has agreed to the sacrifice of taking care of the kids alone (for the most part) until you finish a year-long program. That’s incredible self-sacrifice on her part but I’m not that smart so I’m not picking up on this stuff as quickly and the longer it takes to get through it the longer she’s stuck here and the longer I have to live with the guilt of not doing better by them.
Speaking of the family, be a better husband and father. I wouldn’t say I’m doing a horrible job but I could be doing so much better. Get your life in order. Study something other than Organizational Communications. When you start school the big push will be just to get a degree regardless of what field it’s in. By the time you graduate things will have changed and most places will only be hiring field-specific education like law or medicine. I’d say go into Elementary Education because at some point you’ll have a penchant and an interest but right now teachers are getting screwed. I can’t tell you if it gets better because they’ve been getting screwed for a long time and it doesn’t show any signs of improving. Those who choose to go into the teaching profession are exceptional people. That's not to say that every teacher is great. Joel (that's what you'll name him) is assigned to a teacher we're not that thrilled with, and we're not the only ones who feel that way. I’m not saying you’re not exceptional. I just want you to be forewarned.
Maybe computer science is the way to go. I’m typing this on a computer that crashes constantly… actually, ‘crashes’ isn’t the right word, probably ‘freezes’ is the better way to put it. In any case, I could fix this thing right now if you study it then. As it is I have to pay somebody else to fix it and last time I did that they did a sh***y job ‘cuz it still doesn’t work. If you study computers maybe I won’t be trying to figure them out at 40 years old. I don’t really care what you study. Just try to find something field-specific that could turn into an actual career.
You’ll have a great run with your five closest friends in Jr. High and High School but you’d be naïve enough to think it’ll last forever. Don’t get me wrong, your High School friends are the best you’ve ever had but part of growing up is letting go.
Darron’s life takes him to Washington State where he’ll flip houses when he’s not deployed.
Jon is in Mexico City as part of the DEA and he’s not big on correspondence anyway.
Steve currently still lives close by but with six kids and two jobs it’s really only on special occasions that we see him.
Scott moved to Texas without telling anyone. He called Steve from the car while driving there. You see Scott as a close friend now but he’ll turn on you after marrying his second wife. Heaven only knows what she did to influence him.
Troy lives about five hours away and is a 39-year old bachelor. Whatever you do, don’t beat yourself up for his lack of effort in the dating scene. He’s blown off so many more girls than you ever tried to set him up with. He’ll have to live with those choices. He claims to want to get married but he doesn’t act like it much.
Be grateful for the friends you make along the way. Remember that dream you had of wanting a stormtrooper costume when you were little? It comes true because of some cool people you’ll meet later. Don’t buy the first thing someone suggests though. It never fits you right and you end up selling it for a loss. I’m working on another one but time is at a premium now like it never was before.
A few of these people go through some rough times. Don’t feel too bad about not being able to help them. They will know your heart is in the right place but you’re just not in a position to help like you want to. You won’t always agree with their choices but I’m glad you weren’t judgmental. That’s one of the things dad taught you at a young age that’s still with me today.
Oddly enough, these people are better friends to you than members of your own faith. I don’t say this to scare you away from believing, I say this to prepare so you’ll have the strength to deal with it better than I did when things got tough. Eventually you won’t feel like you have any people close by that you can really call a friend and you’re just going through the motions. Just remember there is nothing wrong with our beliefs. It isn’t about social networking, it’s about a lifestyle that you know will make you a better person. The problem is that there are huge misconceptions about those beliefs that others don’t understand. Stay strong and you will be respected for it. I haven’t been as strong as I should have but I am trying. I need your strength so a little help would be appreciated. You’ll even play with the idea of getting a tattoo at some point but you won’t actually go through with it. There is simply nothing out there that you’ll want on your body permanently but I’ve got a few designs in mind in case the liver spots become too much of a problem ;).
Study a new vocabulary word everyday…or something. I’m amazed at how Nic and Jen can just seamlessly draw on their inner thesauruses…thesaursi…thesaur….that thing that helps you find better words that mean the same thing (one of Nic’s blog posts actually gave me the idea for this one.) They can utilize their command of the English language and create beautiful sentences. That’s right, I said beautiful – see also: admirable, alluring, angelic, appealing, beauteous, bewitching, charming, classy, comely, cute, dazzling, delicate, delightful, divine, elegant, enticing, excellent, exquisite, fair, fascinating, fine, foxy, good-looking, gorgeous, graceful, grand, handsome, ideal, lovely, magnificent, marvelous, nice, pleasing, pretty, pulchritudinous, radiant, ravishing, refined, resplendent, shapely, slightly, splendid, statuesque, stunning, sublime, superb, symmetrical, taking, well-formed, wonderful. Ooh, I really like pulchritudinous. We’ll go with that one. In any case, I’m not a bad writer, I’m just jealous of the abilities of other people so maybe you should study English.
Just to hedge my bets you should also remember:
Google, buy stock in Steve Jobs and anything that begins with “i” (like iPod, iPad, iPhone, etc…), bet on the St. Louis Rams for Super Bowl XXXIV (that’s right, I said St. Louis) and the Boston Red Sox for the 2004 World Series. I figure if you can’t make me a better person you can at least make me a rich one.
Sincerely,
Me in 2011
